Sell Yourself; a statement that is powerful in so many ways. A few months ago, I was visiting my dad and step-mom who live near a good friend of mine. He and I have always been very connected and dance in the same industries. Since I was in town, we got together. We were talking about life and business; which is pretty much what we always talk about. He knows I’ve been working on some things in my career and he told me I have to sell myself. Yeah, I know! That is something I have been told since I was a kid. Fact of the matter is, I’m a fantastic sales person. Every job I’ve had my bosses have always loved me because I was one of their top sellers. There’s an old adage when you are a good sales person, “you are so good you could sell ice to an Eskimo”. Sitting here in reflection, there is SO much to say about “sell yourself” and “you are so good you could sell ice to an Eskimo”. However, I’m only going to discuss Sell Yourself.
The one thing I have ALWAYS had a hard time with was selling myself. As a trauma informed therapist who is actively doing her own trauma work, I have come to the realization that I can’t sell myself because I’m not for sale! Let’s discuss this.
Since I was a kid, I’ve always had a weird mindset around money. I joke now, that I wasn’t Rags to Riches, I was Rags and Riches. This aspect of my life is still very painful to discuss since there was divorce involved and no one ever wants to talk about what happens with divorce. But the whole situation left me hating money and business. It also left me with a lot of anger and sadness; which I internalized, and for a good majority of my life I had no self-esteem or self-worth. I’ve been working on that since I was young.
Two things you need to Sell Yourself is self-esteem and self-worth. Now I’m going to touch on a subject that may trigger some people, but please give me a chance to explain this thoroughly. As women, one thing we are taught to use to Sell Ourselves is our sexuality. If you are a decent looking woman, who can flirt well, and are good in bed; you can go anywhere you want in life. I was on that path. I know how to play that game. Until one day that game is no longer a game. Until one day, you are in bed with the wrong person. If you know, you know.
Over the decades the sales game has become more and more brutal. To the point that people are dying over what they sell or what they know about the product they sell; Brian Thompson for example. Let me give you a timeline of my careers and you can decide how good sales have been over the decades.
Directly out of high school I began classes at a community college. I also had several different jobs. At first, I was working in animal hospitals. I wanted to be a Vet, so I thought I’d get some experience. I spent 10 years in that industry, with a couple time gaps when I tried getting into real-estate. When I was working in the veterinary world, I started in the kennels cleaning cages and helping the vet techs or doctors. I moved up in that world and finished as a Senior Vet Tech at a 24 hr, emergency care and specialty center. That industry is where I started getting recognized for my sales suave. It was the one thing I was always receiving compliments on; I could sell their products and services better than anyone they had previously worked with. Well, of course I could, because it was something I believed in. Until I stopped believing in many of their products and services. Even today, I won’t own a pet because I know the harm many of their products are doing, but no one is wanting to talk about it.
Ok, I’m not trying to bring down the mood, so let’s move on to my next major career. In 2006 I couldn’t handle working in the veterinary world anymore, I needed something more fun. So, I went to Aesthetician school and started working at Starbucks. I wanted to be an Aesthetician because I had always struggled with cystic acne; anyone who has dealt with this form of acne, knows how painful it is. I also loved beauty and skin care products, so this was my new adventure into some fun and excitement. I learned a lot of things during that time in my life, including about myself. I also began learning the brutality of the service and beauty industry, as well as humanity. It is a dog-eat-dog world when you are trying to make it to the top. Have you ever heard the saying “all’s fair in love and war”, well that is basically all of life. Admittedly I’ve shown my teeth a few times, some of which I am sorry for, others where it was just me returning the growl.
Starbucks was different from the beauty industry. Starbucks was fun; at least at first. For all my fellow Starbuckians, my partner number is 1415478. I have not worked for Starbucks since 2018 and I still have those damn numbers memorized! Who else can relate?
Starbucks was such a great company when I began working there. I mean, it had its flaws, but every company does. The first store I worked at was probably the most fun I had. I’m going to drop a name here, just because. I used to work with Chris Medina. If you don’t know him, he was on American Idol in 2011 and made it pretty far. He and I used to always chest bump when the night was good or crazy, it was our way of getting through the night and laughing with each other. We would also sit out in the parking lot after shift and he’d play his guitar and sing. For a long time, we had a really awesome crew at that store. Admittedly though, there were some teeth shown and some growling.
Starbucks as a company started changing in 2014. The details aren’t important, but some things were changing and some shit was happening that I didn’t care for. One situation in particular had off hour’s activities dragged into work dynamics and ended with people being hurt and someone even died. This destroyed my heart in so many ways.
In 2014 I left Starbucks to manage a holistic wellness center. I was almost finished with my Bachelors in Psychology and I wanted to utilize my education in a health care environment. Since I already knew what was going on in the Veterinary world and Western medicine, I wanted to explore the holistic, natural and Eastern medicine world. In many ways that industry is beautiful and way more peaceful. However, it too is full of teeth showing and growling. As a matter of fact, in some ways there are more teeth and growling, and there was an added level of deception and scapegoating. I learned a lot in the short time I worked in that industry.
In 2016 I went back to Starbucks while I began my own healing business and started looking for a Master’s program to attend. In 2017 I moved to Los Angeles and began working on my Masters in Psychology program. Life since then has been fascinating. It also brings me back to the topic of Selling Yourself.
I completed my Masters in Psychology in 2019, just months before the pandemic hit. It was quite remarkable going through my clinical internship while the country was shutting down and the world was falling apart. Late 2020 I began working at a Residential Treatment Center for Teens. This was probably the best career decision I ever made. Why? Because it really teaches you the ins and outs of the industry of Western Psychology. You learn the business side as well as the mental health side. Funny thing is, the business side creates the need for the mental health side. Maybe one day I will explain this more, but for now I’m sticking with the topic of Selling Yourself.
Selling Yourself takes on a very different meaning when you are working in the field of psychology. Especially when working in the treatment world. Over my short career in that industry, I worked with Teens, Adults, Veterans and the unhoused. Admittedly my favorites where the teens and Veterans, but that’s only because I understand them the most.
As of April 1, 2025, I will no longer be a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. I have been in that industry long enough to know that it needs an overhaul, and I no longer want to uphold or sell in that world. I’m now going to be a Coach. So here I am, trying to Sell Myself. However, I have realized that I am not for Sale.
Let me go back to the beginning and discuss this from a Trauma perspective. Through my personal and professional life, I have a very good understanding of Trauma. From First Responders to Organized Crime to Sex Workers to Sex Trafficking survivors to Hollywood to Government to Law to Health Care to Financiers to Professional Athletes; I know them all. One thing we all have in common; we are afraid to share our real stories because we all know people who have, and their outcomes weren’t so pleasant.
So, I’m not for Sale. I am however for Hire. I don’t take on every client. At this point I’m quite selective. But I take consultations and we can shake on terms of a contract; I don’t sign anything and won’t ask you to sign anything either. I guess you can now call me the Vigilante Trauma Coach. You want to talk? Hit me up.
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