I heard the news of the Hamas raid while lying in bed looking at news and scrolling through socials. It was about 3am in Idyllwild, CA, and I was there participating in a 3-day healing retreat geared toward trauma. Oh, the irony! I’ve been having many sleepless nights, I don’t know if it is peri-menopause or PTSD, some women may say they are one in the same but I won’t go there. My heart instantly sank. See, one of the people I have loved dearly over the past few years has family there and I was praying with all my heart and soul that her daughter was not there visiting. As I laid in bed, reading about the bombings, death, rape, and kidnapping all I could think about was the needlessness of human destruction and how I just wrote a piece on this a few weeks ago, I said out loud “and here we go, it’s officially started”. Needless to say, I did not get any sleep that night.
The whole reason I went to this retreat was because it was being led by a therapist who had been a digital mentor for me throughout my clinical hours. He partnered up with a trauma specialist who is redefining trauma, and oh man did I need her information. Mainly because it confirmed what I already knew. See, I’ve been doing my trauma work since my early 20’s. That was the first time I began recognizing my patterns and understanding why they were there. Fast forward to 2008. After pretty much self-destructing in my 20’s, I began deep diving into my traumas and was determined to heal my intergenerational wounds.
October 2017 I began my Masters in Psychology program and I specialized in Depth and Spiritual psychology. Yeah, I know spiritual miritual <eye roll>. I have gotten so much sh*t on my journey and in my industry for approaching psychology from a spiritual perspective, but you know what, it prepared me for what is happening in our world right now.
There is a cry for people to choose sides on this war. Are you pro-Israel, pro-Hamas, pro-Palestine. Me? I’m pro-PEACE. I’m pro-LOVE. I’m pro-COMPASSION. I’m pro-EMPATHY. I’m pro-TRAUMA INFORMED INFORMATION!!!!!
That last one is the most important! Why? Because if we look at this in any other way, we are perpetuating the problem and I prefer to be part of the solution.
So, what is the solution? TBH (to be honest), I have no freaking clue at the moment. All I do know, is that if the bombing, raping, killing and kidnapping of humans continues; our world is going to crumble. This war is so much deeper than the majority of humans understand, and I try to keep my writing simple. This is the Spiritual War that so many have been talking about. This is Revelations. This is the Revolution. So, instead of getting super Spiritual or Clinical, I’m going to share a poem I wrote within the past few years. I feel this is 2020 BLM on steroids and man, as much as I am grateful for that time because I learned A LOT, my heart and soul can’t handle a repeat. So much love to all. I am a FREEDOM fighter. I’m also a PEACEFUL warrior. I know, those statements are such oxymorons, but it is what it is.
Balance
Memories, they are flooding.
Too many, Too intense.
Is this a big deal?
It was my normal.
Did this really happen?
I was there. I remember details.
Maybe I’m making a bigger deal than need to be.
No, this is intense.
The People
The Players
The Power
You were there, being your innocent child self.
It wasn’t your fault; you didn’t know better.
You weren’t stupid, you just didn’t understand.
You weren’t gullible, you were a kid.
You shouldn’t have known better.
Just like them, you did the best with the knowledge you had.
You did better when you learned.
You learned from their mistakes.
You learned from your mistakes.
You learned to trust yourself when you realized they did not know what they were doing either.
Does anyone really know what they are doing?
Humans do not come with owner manuals.
We are the ones who create the world as we see it.
So, are we happy with what we have created?
Happy, both micro and macro?
Do we need to re-vise?
How do we want to see the world, our world?
Love, beauty, playful, kind, compassion, lush green valleys, stunning blue waters, breathtaking snow capped mountains.
Hate, division, garbage, needles, pain, suffering, death, destruction, anger, sadness, greed.
Can we see it all?
Does all of it have to exist?
Light, Dark
Yin, Yang
Sun, Moon
God, Devil
Good, Bad
Do you need to know one, to understand the other?
Balance
That’s the goal, right?
What is balance?
Equal sides?
The scale
On which side are you?
Above or below?
Above or below what?
The mean, the median
Who decides?
Why is it their decision?
Why is it mine?
Can it be both?
Can we agree to disagree?
Can we compromise?
Can I do me and you do you?
Can we do we, if we choose?
Why do you feel you have to control me?
Can you control you?
We have learned, you have taught us well.
You taught us how to control you.
Now we can also control us.
We don’t want control, over you or us.
We want all of us to be free.
Free to decide who, what, when and where.
Free to sleep, cry, love, hug, eat, have fun and be safe.
Free to be us.
We are all human, for good or bad.
Are you all one side, or are you both?
-Christina Fitch
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